Birth Photography Tip #5 – What to do if you client loses a baby.

At a risk of sounding like a broken record, I am going to start this post with the same statement I mention in each of my posts – there are many ways that a photographer can handle this situation. What may work for one birth may not be the right choice for the next.

My best piece of advice is to come up with a plan in your mind before you need it. Yes, it is horrible to think about, but if you spend some time developing a plan in case it does happen, you will be better off. This doesn’t need to be elaborate, but ask yourself the following questions:

If my client loses their baby before the delivery, will I still photograph the birth if they want me there?
If my client loses their baby during the delivery or there is an emergency, what would I do? Keep shooting? Stop shooting?
Do I know of resources that could step in and help if I am personally unable to photograph?
Do I have something in my contract that covers what would happen to the contract and money in the event of a loss?
Do I have a support system in place that can help me through this birth- friends, family, church, counseling?

You are the only one that can answer these questions but below is my personal thought and feelings on if my client were to lose a baby.

A bit of background before I start. I am a certified birth and loss doula. I specifically became a loss doula after I started to volunteer for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. While I love the organization, I felt like I was missing some training when it came to talking with the family and even the vocabulary to use when in the room. I did my loss doula training through www.StillBirthday.com which is a wonderful resource, that you should definitely check out. While I don’t actively take loss doula clients, the training was very beneficial for me and helped me understand the loss of an infant better than when I started and made me more confident when going to NILMDTS calls. It also helped me work through many questions about how I would feel in various scenarios.

First and foremost, if the client lost their baby prior to delivery and still wanted me there I would still attend the birth. I have in my contract that if there is a loss the client’s money will be refunded. This is totally a personal choice, and if you want to still attend the birth without refunding that is up to you. Some families might not want a photographer there anymore, and in that case I would 100% refund all money.

If I am ever at a birth where it is clear that things aren’t going well I personally stop taking photographs until I know baby and mom are stable. For me that was the best decision. I don’t want to place any additional stress or concerns on the healthcare provider, and honestly, I don’t want my photos used in litigation if there is a horrible outcome. Yes, I have stopped shooting at three births. At two of the births I was able to resume shooting once baby was stable and for the third birth I later went the NICU to take more photos of the baby the day after.

I am lucky enough to have many friends in the local birth community that I can call and just cry into the phone to. You need to process the emotions and events. If you don’t have this locally, there are many birth groups online that you could post your need to process and I guarantee you will find a friendly ear that will listen to you. Be sure to maintain your client’s privacy. While birth photographers don’t fall under HIPAA, it is a good practice to be careful and respectful of what you share.

I personally find editing to be particularly hard after a loss or even a trauma. When I am in the moment I feel almost like I can hide behind my camera. It is like a security blanket. When I get home and look at the screen of my computer the images stare back at me, making it impossible to have that distance. There are also people that can help you edit if you need. I have found that what works best for me is to wait a couple days and recognize when I need a break.

If you are unable to photograph a loss birth that is okay. It is better to recognize that you are not in place to handle a loss than to try and go and it be too traumatic. You are not less of a birth photographer, and you are not a bad person. Taking on more than we can handle is a sure fire way to end your birth photography career. Infant loss is a very difficult and complex situation. There is no way one post can tell you what to do, or not do. I highly recommend all birth photographers take a birth education class and birth loss is no different. If you are unable to do a training like I did at Still Birthday, I recommend you look into the resources and reading listed below.