For the past 11 years, I have been working to create a full-time, profitable photography business. After I was no longer able to pursue a career as a dancer I finally felt at home with photography as an artistic outlet. Coupled with my love of birth, I found something that felt right. Over the past two years, our health insurance costs have skyrocketed to over $15,000 a year for our family, and that is just the yearly cost and doesn’t include any costs associated with actually going to the doctor, or getting treatments outside of a yearly well-visit. With both Kevin and I owning our own businesses, I knew something had to change or we would never be able to save for any sort of retirement if we also had to pay for health insurance. 

I remember sitting down and thinking, “Okay, if you went back to 18-year-old you, and couldn’t dance, and didn’t know about photography, what job would you wish you had pursued?” Immediately nursing came to mind. Literally that day I enrolled at the local community college and started taking the prerequisites for their nursing program. Even though they are a community college, they offer a four-year degree in nursing that is highly competitive to get into.  After taking the entrance exam and taking all the prerequisites I am proud to say that I did get into the nursing program (one of 25 people) and start on campus in just a few weeks.

Now I find myself in the same emotional position I was when my dreams of becoming a dancer ended. I know I am not going to suddenly stop taking photos the same way I had to stop dancing but it feels like a loss in the same way. I worked my ass off to make it work, but the demands of raising my kids, and then a pandemic, made booking the number of sessions I needed to make a living impossible. 

This is definitely not the end of photography for me but a redefinition of the role it plays in my life. I still would like to take four birth clients this summer if we are allowed back in hospitals and I will continue to offer newborn, fresh 48,  family, and animal photography. Maybe you never would have known any of this is going on behind the scenes but it felt important for me to share just as so many families have shared and welcomed me into their births. Trust and vulnerability go both ways. 

I just read this quote, “Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.” by David Foster Wallace and it is exactly how I feel right now. I am letting go of being a full-time photographer after giving it all I had but I am not giving up photography, just redefining the role it plays in my life. I am excited and scared about what the next chapter will bring and hope you stick around with me.